


Let it Go

by KrimsonMistress



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Book: The Missy Chronicles, Disney References, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Season/Series 10, Season/Series 10 Spoilers, The Vault (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 10:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14616519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrimsonMistress/pseuds/KrimsonMistress
Summary: The Doctor really hopes that Missy is able to change. But maybe he hopes even more.





	Let it Go

Beethoven’s _Fur Elise_ sounded through the door of the vault. The Doctor was leaning against the door, just listening to Missy’s perfect play. He remembered the times when she still was the Master, not able to appreciate any kind of music because of the steady rhythm of the drums in his head. The sound of the music gave him hope. Hope that she really was able to change.

He didn’t dare to hope too much. They weren’t children anymore. All their promises were gone with the wind. But when he saw Missy crying his heart had skipped a beat. He wanted to believe her. He wanted to trust her. He wanted everything to be like it had once been.

When he closed his eyes, he could see them again, two little boys who were always together, always up to no good, always troublemakers. He remembered them watching the stars, dreaming about visiting every one of them together one day.

And of course, there were other things to remember. The time when it had been even more than friendship. Times he always wanted to forget but now all the memories were fighting their way back into his head.

They had shared their first kiss under the stars, still filled with hopes and dreams. It had been a teenage romance, nothing more, at least the Doctor tried to tell himself that it had been like that. They never told anyone. And when they grew older, they grew apart. While he settled down and had a family, the Master stayed alone. Maybe he had been jealous. But that was absurd thinking. It never had been serious between them.

 

The sound of the piano faded away. Missy was done with the song and didn’t start to play another one. The Doctor took a deep breath and knocked at the door before unlocking it to enter. He had come here to bring her food, but it somehow ended in him getting nostalgic.

“Doctor.” Missy stood up and walked towards him, her hips swinging more than necessary while walking.

He held up a plastic bag. “Brought Chinese.”

“You want to give me sticks to play?” She smirked.

“No, I’ve got a plastic fork for you.”

“How boring. But you could still kill someone with that. I know. I did.” She smiled, but it didn’t seem honest. Her eyes were sad.

“I’d be grateful if you didn’t kill me.” The Doctor sat down and unpacked the two noodle boxes he had bought at the Chinese restaurant around the corner.

“You’re eating with me?”, Missy asked carefully.

“Well I… I thought you could use some company.” The Doctor gave her a little smile. “Besides, I’m hungry as well.”

Missy sat down next to him and grabbed the plastic fork he got for her. “Did you enjoy my playing?”

“You got good.”

“I have lots of time in here. I could become the new Mozart. With cheating, of course, because I got much more time to learn.” She smirked.

“Do you want to play together?” The Doctor asked without thinking. It only seemed logical because while Missy discovered her love for playing the piano he discovered his love for playing the guitar.

“Together…” Missy seemed to space out for a second. “Yes. But don’t ruin my beat.” She jabbed her fork into the noodles.

“Don’t ruin _my_ beat.”, the Doctor muttered back while opening his own noodle box.

“Your beat is horrible.”

“No, it’s not!” The Doctor looked at Missy and she chuckled. Then she leaned her head against his shoulder while eating. It felt strange, foreign and familiar at the same time. And not bad at all.

 

After they finished eating the Doctor got his guitar from the T.A.R.D.I.S. and returned to the vault with it. He and Missy played the whole night and it was wonderful. They were laughing and dancing and acting crazy. Just like the old times.

It was already daybreak when they fell on the couch, still laughing and completely exhausted, their shoulders lightly touching.

“You still got the best dance moves.”, Missy giggled.

“And you still like to stomp on my feet with full force.”

“Sorry. This is just too much fun to quit.”

“But the piano isn’t the right place to dance on.”

“Who makes the rules?”

“Good point.”

They were looking at the ceiling, slowly calming down again. When Missy rested her head on the Doctor’s shoulder he didn’t protest. He even wrapped an arm around her, but she didn’t notice because she already fell asleep. Her face was calm, no grin, no pain, just Missy. She slept quietly, her breath and hair tickling his neck.

The Doctor closed his eyes as well. He felt tired. The weight of the centuries resting on his shoulders. Or maybe it was just Missy.

“What the hell are you doing there?!”

Right when the Doctor was drifting away to sleep, Nardole’s nasty voice woke him up again.

 “Ahh… I was just…”

“You have class! Your students are waiting!”

Glad that this was Nardole’s main problem the Doctor got up. But Missy grabbed his arm, still half asleep. “Stay with me, Doctor Who.”

Something inside of him started burning but he tried to will it away. “I’ll come back tonight. Duty is calling.”

“That’s no duty, that’s Humpty Dumpty…”, Missy muttered but she did let go of his arm, turned to the other side and started snoring as Nardole complained about her insult.

 

The Doctor wasn’t concentrated in class, even more than usual. His thoughts were turning around Missy. The Master. His oldest friend. Around Rose. River. Everyone. He hated it when his brain did these things.  

“Where are we going today?”, Bill asked after class, seeming excited.

“What?” The Doctor looked at her in a bit of confusion.

“Well, adventure? Time travel? Yay?” She gave him a _duh_ look.

“Oh… that! No, not today, I’m sorry. I have to… sort some things out.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll just do… something else then?”

“Yes, yes.” The Doctor wasn’t even listening anymore and went to the kitchen to get some food he could share with Missy.

 

“I feel spoiled.”, Missy grinned while eating some toast and French fries the Doctor brought with him. “What’s the occasion for you playing my butler? It isn’t my birthday yet.”

The Doctor stayed silent for a second. He didn’t get it himself. Well, he did get it, but he didn’t want to accept it.

“I’m just showing you how being kind works.”

“Well, I’d return the favour but all I could do for you in here is a dust-soup.”

“I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Oh, but you’d love it. I could spice it up with a spider.”

“Come on, it’s not that dirty in here.”

“How do you explain Flipper II then?” Missy pointed to a fat black spider which was spinning its web in a corner of the ceiling.

“… Flipper II?”

“I already had a pet named Flipper. A Skarasen. I ate him. He tasted delicious.”

“You called a ghastly human-eating monster Flipper?”

“Yes.”

The Doctor huffed. “Well, I named a Dalek Rusty.”

“I told you we’re not so different.” Missy’s voice got serious.

The Doctor looked at her. There was something in her eyes he’d never seen before. And he didn’t know if he liked it.

“We wanted to travel to the stars, don’t you remember?”, she whispered and reached for his hand.

“But you were too busy burning them.” The Doctor looked away, back to his food.

“I’m sorry.” Missy’s voice was shaking and when he looked back at her he saw tears in her eyes. “I know that I did horrible things. I know that I can never be forgiven. I enjoyed being evil because it was easy. You make plans for world domination. You play around and have fun. You tease and laugh at other’s misery. Because it makes yourself feel better. Free. But since I am in this body… since the sound of the drums stopped… it’s all so different. I don’t know if it’s the hormones…” She shook her head. “Being a woman is so complicated.”

“I don’t have experience in that yet. Maybe I will one day.”

She huffed, probably imagining him as a woman. “Welcome to the world of bra’s, rejection and uncomfortable shoes. And the itches in some areas. Seriously, that’s the worst.”

“No details please.”

“I think you get it.” Missy wiped her eyes clean. “It’s silly… I’ve never cried so much before.”

“Crying isn’t silly. It’s honest.”

“Being honest is a part of being good. Right?” She looked at him again.

The Doctor nodded. “But not the kind of _we’re-all-doomed_ honest. Don’t enjoy telling people how dangerous the situation is.”

“So many rules…” Missy sighed. “And what if it would hurt the feelings of the other person… or make them sad?”

“It depends… right and wrong isn’t always easy to judge. Just think of what you would do… and do the opposite.”

“That’s very vague.”

“Doing the right thing I always vague. But I know that you are trying. And I appreciate it.” The Doctor gave her a warm smile.

“Doing what’s right. Doing what’s kind.” Missy looked down at her black fingernails. “I want to help. Just give me a chance.”

“I don’t trust you enough to let you out of here.”

“I stayed. I tried. I promised. I could have escaped that vault in less than ten minutes if I wanted to.” Missy looked back at him. “If being kind is so important than be kind to me as well.”

“I am here, bringing you food, trying to forgive you. But all these years, all these centuries…” The Doctor shook his head. “I can’t forget them that easily.”

“You could forget childhood.”

“I never did.”

Missy sighed and leaned back in her seat. “I’m bored, Doctor. I want something new to play with. Give me a TV. I want to watch Harry Potter. I’ve already read the books 20 times.”

“Okay, I’ll give you a TV. But no satellite TV. Just a DVD player and I’ll choose the movies you’re allowed to watch.”, the Doctor gave her a light smile. “So, who’s your favourite character?”

“Snape, of course.”

“Would’ve suspected Bellatrix.”

Missy shrugged. “I think he is what I want to become.”

“A grumpy student teasing teacher with an old grudge?”

“Secretly being on the good side and surprising everyone when revealing it. And then you’ll be proud of me.”

The Doctor stared at her for a second. He didn’t expect that answer. Missy turned away and let out a quiet huff. “You should see your face. You were believing me. Of course I like Bellatrix. I’m a Slytherin girl. And I’ll always be one.”

 

On the next day the Doctor let Nardole install a TV in Missy’s vault. When he had a break from teaching, he went to the nearest store to buy some DVD’s. Next to all Harry Potter parts he also bought a lot of Disney movies because he didn’t think of any harm they could do.

Again, he brushed off Bill to meet Missy in the vault. She was installing the DVD player while Nardole stood next to her and watched.

“Oh, Doctor!” Missy looked up with a smile. “I’d get a new assistant, that one doesn’t even understand that simple earth technology.”

“I don’t understand it because it’s too simple.”, Nardole muttered.

“No excuse.” Missy configurated the last settings. “Have you got something for me?”

“Yes.” The Doctor placed the bag filled with DVD’s next to Missy.

“Let’s watch a movie together.” She grinned. “You can choose.”

“Oh, but not like this.” The Doctor shook his head. “For movies you need popcorn and soda.”

“Then go get some.” Missy waved him off.

The Doctor saluted with a grin and left the room, followed by Nardole.

“Sir, do you think it’s a good idea to spend so much time with her?”

“I think it’s a great idea. So… how do you get corn to pop?”

 

Later that evening the Doctor and Missy were sitting on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and some cheap soda in plastic cups, watching _Frozen_. Missy seemed to enjoy the movie and of course she sympathised with Elsa.

“That’s my girl!”, she shouted when the credits rolled. “We need no men to save the world!”

“Already forgot your male times?”

“I’m trying to. I really don’t want to be a man again.” Missy slurped on her soda cup. It was already empty, so she just made some noise with the straw.

“Feeling comfortable despite the itches?”

“I feel wonderful! As a man you get so spoiled but as a woman you learn to fight. Manhood is awful. Try to regenerate to a woman next time. It’s good for you.” She winked.

“I feel good, thanks. I’m not planning on regenerating soon.”

“Like that moves, Doctor Disco.” She indicated some dance moves.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Oh please.”

“Both hearts in the beat. Uz. Uz. Uz.”

“Will you let it go now?”

“Can’t hold it back anymore?”

The Doctor took a second to understand, then he smirked. “Do you want me to turn away and slam the door?” He got up.

“Well, you know, here I stand and here I stay.” Missy shrugged.

“In your kingdom of isolation?”

“Well, it looks like I’m the queen.” She stood up as well and played with the collar of this shirt. “Because that perfect girl is gone.”

“Perfect girl.” The Doctor huffed.

“You ruined it!” Missy gave him a light push, crossed her arms and pouted.

“Sorry.”

“Give me more of those movies. Children’s movies. And Musicals. So I can learn a few songs. It’s really boring in here.” Missy turned in circles, like she was dancing.

“Alright.” Without thinking, the Doctor grabbed her hands and turned along with her. She started giggling and turned faster and faster until both were dizzy. Missy finally stumbled over her own feet and landed on her back on the floor. Since her grip was hard she pulled the Doctor with her and made an “oof” sound when his body crushed on hers with full weight.

“I’m sorry.” He wanted to get up again, but she wouldn’t let him.

“You can stay for a little longer.” She winked, her expressions normal, but the Doctor could feel her hearts beating fast under the pretty dress.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”, he muttered.

“Scared you might like it?”

She was right, in some way. This situation war strange, different than anything else he’d lived through before. And in the Doctor’s life, that had to mean something.

But before he could search for an answer he felt a pair of wet lips on his own. It wasn’t the first time she kissed him, but it was the first time in a situation like this. Every sense in his body screamed to let go, to get up and leave, but his two hearts told him that it was okay. That it was stupid to fight against something they both wanted.

Missy pushed him to the floor with full force, switching their positions. Now she was lying on him and getting out of this wouldn’t be that easy anymore.

“Missy…” He tried to reason with her, but his voice was gone.

“Look at you, lying there all confused.” She sat up and he was grateful that she was sitting on his stomach and not further down.

The Doctor wanted to say something, but he seemed to have forgotten all words he’d ever known. Missy watched him for a few seconds, then, to his surprise, she stood up and reached out her hand to him to help him up.

“See you tomorrow.”, she said with a smile.

 

It was in the middle of the night, when Nardole entered the Doctor’s office. He was still awake, catching up with correcting the student’s homework.

“Sir, she gave me this letter for you. Said it was personal and that she would rip my beautiful eyes out if I dared to look at it and that you are forbidden to bring the contents up ever again.” Nardole threw an envelope on the Doctor’s desk. “Better tell her I didn’t look.”

“She will know if you did.” The Doctor grabbed the envelope and waited until Nardole had left the room again, a worried look on his face. Then he opened the sealed envelope and unfolded the letter inside of it. It was written in modern Gallifreyan.

 

_Ρεμι_ _έναär Pεōντοtēōär,_

_Εγώ έναem dəbəlärΕγώtēΕγώenσολ_ _tē_ _āCH_ _Εγώμικρό_ _μεγάλομι_ _tētēμι_ _är tēō wīōo͞o σιμι_ _ντοέναμικρόμι_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _ärμι_ _έναärμι_ _tē_ _āCH_ _Εγώenσολμικρό_ _Εγώ ντοέναen enμι_ _vēμι_ _är μικρό_ _έναwī ōo͞otē μεγάλοōo͞oρε._

_Εγώ ρεō enōtē dəbəlέναentē wīōo͞o tēō μι_ _vēμι_ _är σιärΕγώenσολ_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _em o͞oΠ_ _._

_Εγώ jāo͞oμικρό_ _tē dəbəlέναentē wīōo͞o tēō κenōdəbəl tē_ _āCH_ _έναtē Εγώ μεγάλοōvēμι_ _wīōo͞o. Εγώ έναμεγάλοdəbəlέναwīμικρό_ _ρεΕγώρε._

_Εγώtē σιärōκμι_ _emwī_ _āCHμι_ _έναärtē dəbəl_ _āCHμι_ _en wīōo͞o μεγάλομιφά_ _tē emμι_ _, έναenρε Εγώtē μικρό_ _āCH_ _έναtētēμι_ _ärμι_ _ρε μι_ _vēμι_ _en emōärμι_ _dəbəl_ _āCHμι_ _en wīōo͞o μεγάλομιφά_ _tē σολ_ _έναμεγάλομεγάλοΕγώφά_ _ärμι_ _wī dəbəlΕγώtē_ _āCH_ _ōo͞otē emμι_ _._

_Wīōo͞o dəbəlμι_ _ärμι_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _ōenμεγάλοwī ōenμι_ _Εγώ μι_ _vēμι_ _är_ _āCH_ _έναρε έναenρε μεγάλομιφά_ _tē έναμεγάλοōenμι_ _Εγώ emέναρεμι_ _emwī ντο_ _āCH_ _ōΕγώντομι_ _. Εγώφά_ _enō ōenμι_ _dəbəlέναentēμι_ _ρε emμι_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _en Εγώ dəbəlōo͞oμεγάλορε emένακμι_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _em μικρό_ _o͞oφάφάμι_ _är._

_σιμι_ _Εγώenσολ_ _μι_ _vēΕγώμεγάλο Εγώμικρό_ _μι_ _έναμικρό_ _wī σιμι_ _ντοέναo͞oμικρόμι_ _Εγώφά_ _wīōo͞o έναärμι_ _Εγώenμικρόμι_ _ντοo͞oärμι_ _, jāo͞oμικρό_ _tē σιμεγάλοōdəbəl o͞oΠ_ _ένα Π_ _μεγάλοέναenμι_ _tē έναenρε dəbəlέναtēντο_ _āCH_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _φά_ _Εγώärμι_ _dəbəlōärκμικρό_ _._

_σιo͞otē tē_ _āCHμι_ _ōenμεγάλοwī φά_ _Εγώärμι_ _dəbəlōärκ Εγώ dəbəlέναentē tēō μικρόμιμι_ _enōdəbəl Εγώμικρό_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _μικρόΠ_ _έναärκ Εγώen wīōo͞oär μι_ _wīμιμικρό_ _dəbəl_ _āCHμι_ _en wīōo͞o μεγάλοōōκ έναtē emμι_ _._

_σιμι_ _ντοέναo͞oμικρόμι_ _wīōo͞o μεγάλοΕγώκμι_ _emμι_ _tēōō. Εγώ κenōdəbəl Εγώtē. Έναenρε Εγώ φά_ _ōärσολ_ _Εγώvēμι_ _wīōo͞o Εγώφά_ _wīōo͞o φά_ _ōärσολ_ _Εγώvēμι_ _emμι_ _._

_Μεγάλομι_ _tē o͞oμικρό_ _āCH_ _έναvēμι_ _ένα φά_ _o͞otēo͞oärμι_ _. tēōσολμι_ _tē_ _āCHμι_ _är._

_Μεγάλοōvēμι_ _, EmΕγώμικρόμικρό_ _wī_

_(**Little Riddle**_

_Want to find out what the letter says for yourself? It’s not difficult to decipher, so if you like that kind of stuff, try to figure it out. If not, just investigate the notes.)_

The Doctor got up immediately and ran to the vault as fast as he could, his hands shaking while entering all the codes to open the door.

Missy was lying on the floor, watching Flipper II eating a fly. She didn’t look at him.

“You never told…”

“No.” Missy clapped her hands together. “I said never bring it up.”

“Why did you write it then?”

“Because there are some things you just need to get off your chest… after over 1000 years. And if I get rid of all old things then I’ll be able to be new. Better.”

“Well, you weren’t exactly talking past tense there.”

Missy sat up, her back pointed towards him so that he couldn’t see her face. “I was being emotional. It’s the Disney movies.”

“Missy…” The Doctor reached out and rested his hand on her shoulder. Her body twitched on the impact and she wiped over her eyes, crying again and this time he understood. He just pulled her into his arms, resting his chin on her head while his shirt slowly got soaked with Missy’s tears.

“I just want you to be proud of me.”, she whispered. “And that we can be friends again.”

“I’ll give you a chance to proof yourself.”

“I’ll do my best.” She wiped her eyes clean again, though clean wasn’t the right term to use since her face was covered in mascara now. “And now go and forget this ever happened. I don’t want to win by cheating.” She pushed him away.

“You should clean your face.”, the Doctor said, respecting her wish.

“How worse is it?”

“Very. You look like a panda.”

“Give me some bamboo, I’m hungry… why does crying make one hungry? That doesn’t make sense…”

“It does. Here.” He gave Missy a pack of crackers he still had in his pocket.

“Thanks.” She looked at him, eyes still watery. “Say something nice. I will forget it too.”

He smiled softly, placing one hand on her cheek. “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am so in love with this ship, I just HAD to write something about it.  
> I hope you liked it and that you survived 10x12. QwQ  
> ♥Lots of Love, Lucy
> 
> Oh yeah, and for those who are here for the letter:  
> Dear Doctor,  
> I am writing this letter to you because there are things I can never say out loud.  
> I do not want you to ever bring them up.  
> I just want you to know that I love you. I always did.  
> It broke my heart when you left me, and it shattered even more when you left Gallifrey without me.  
> You were the only one I ever had and left alone I made my choice. If no one wanted me then I would make them suffer.  
> Being evil is easy because if you are insecure, just blow up a planet and watch the fireworks.  
> But the only firework I want to see now is the spark in your eyes when you look at me.  
> Because you like me too. I know it. And I forgive you if you forgive me.  
> Let us have a future. Together.  
> Love, Missy


End file.
